“Richard was the light and love of my life. He always, always encouraged me. Every problem that came up, he was there for me. He provided such balance for me and he was so protective of me and I of him. I was always afraid I would die first and that he wouldn’t get my Social Security. I worried about him having enough to live a good life.” Reading these words may bring to mind a doting wife, perhaps even a mother. These words were spoken by Ray Vahey of his loving partner, Richard Taylor, who passed away in July of 2006. They had been together since September 2, 1956.

Over the last few years, the voices of politicians and religious leaders have been heard on both sides of the debate in regard to the legal recognition of same-sex marriages. Those against such recognition have had the funding to make sure their voices are heard loud and clear. So loudly, in fact, that they have often drowned out those of the same-sex couples themselves. The very voices of the human beings whose right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness were being argued and voted on. Instead of hearing loving couples discuss the same basic concerns we all worry about –health insurance benefits, retirement plans, taxes, who has what rights at the moment of emergencies, what time the grandchild/niece/etc’s school play is at, whose turn it is to mow the lawn –this country heard phrases such as “gay agenda” and “family values.”

Despite the fact that, as of August 3, 2009, “Domestic Partnerships” for same-sex couples are now recognized in the State of Wisconsin, such status only provides 43 rights and protections to these couples. This is less than a quarter of the 200 rights and protections provided to heterosexual married couples by state law. The reason those additional protections and rights are being denied? November 7, 2006, voters in the state of Wisconsin approved an amendment to the state constitution banning legal recognition of same-sex unions: “Only a marriage between one man and one woman shall be valid or recognized as a marriage in this state. A legal status identical or substantially similar to that of marriage for unmarried individuals shall not be valid or recognized in this state.”

Researching many sources reveals that the prime reason noted by opposing voters across the United States was they saw it as “a threat to the traditional institution of marriage”. The term “family” in our society has evolved to reflect the myriad of family structures that now exist, structures that have been widely recognized and embraced. The biggest catalyst for such change in family structures has been the rapidly increasing rate of divorce amongst “traditional” marriages.

Ironically, it is the same change in “family” that negates the second biggest argument: “same-sex marriage robs a child of a two-parent family.” The divorce of a “traditional” marriage results in some sort of shared placement situation that involves a child being shuffled back and forth between parents, between homes. Eventually that same child may have to face the remarrying of one or both of their parents and the complexity that involves. A child of a same-sex married couple has two parents there to love, support and nurture them united as a non-broken family, in one home. While arguments can be made that children in both scenarios will face some challenges, it all comes down to the child being loved. Same-sex parents by far do not love their children any less than any other parents.

History has long taught us that just because something is “traditional,” does not mean it is the only way nor the right way.

Now, thanks to Shall Not Be Recognized, an exhibit featuring the photographs and written voices of 30 couples whom many have voted as unworthy of recognition is available online at ShallNotBeRecognized.Org. They invite you to “look, read, and decide for yourself.” And I have. Every couple brought a smile to my face and some stories, like that of Ray Vahey, brought tears to my eyes. These are not the faces of any sordid agenda. They are the faces of loving families. Faces that all have voices that deserve to be heard.

Faces like those of Gregory and Raymond Konz-Zrzyminski who have raised two children, buried three parents and are now caring for an aunt with Alzheimer’s over the course of the nearly 27 years they have been together. “Traditional” marriages that end in divorce do so after an average of seven years. Gregory and Raymond have outlasted them almost four-fold. They are a loving couple, loving supporters and caretakers of their families, yet just because they are both men, they are somehow unworthy?

Voices like those of Mary Thoreson and Wendy Pologe who have been together for 29 years and have a son together. If you were to listen to Mary, you would hear, “I want to say, ‘Hey, I’m not some scary person! I’m a member of your family: your sister, your daughter, your mother, your aunt.’” They are loving parents that happen to both be women, so their voices shouldn’t matter?

In the upcoming weeks I will have the honor of interviewing Jeff Pearcy, who photographed the exhibit, and Will Fellows, who organized it. These interviews will be featured in next month’s issue of Life After Hate and I do hope you will return to read them. In the mean time, I highly encourage you to visit ShallNotBeRecognized.Org and to look, read, and decide for yourselves if these couples and the many more like them deserve to be denied the same respect and dignity that everyone else takes for granted –to not be recognized.

Should equal rights stop at the front door of people’s homes? People many have not even taken the time to get to know. Can we have a fair and inclusive society while excluding so many human beings? In my eyes, in my mind, and in my heart, the answer is no.

Related posts:

1. Jeff Pearcy: Shall Not Be Recognized photographer
2. Will Fellows: Shall Not Be Recognized co-creator —part III
3. Will Fellows: Shall Not Be Recognized co-creator
4. Walls Meant to Fall
5. Will Fellows: Shall Not Be Recognized co-creator —part II